Thursday, October 25, 2007
Friendship trouble
When there is trouble with friends there are two ways to go. Say goodbye and ciao, or work on it. I have now trouble with four friends. It's probably a mixture of me being difficult as a person, and knowing quite a few people.
1. Somebody I've known since 1987, that's 20 years. A long time. Which means that's a friendship worth working on. Only she sucks the energy out of me. Everything is always about her, her, her. It was fine as long as I was strong. When I was less strong, I needed support. That she couldn't give. Half a year ago she wrote me an email which I didn't respond to. Now she has tried to ring me a couple of times, and I haven't been home. Should I answer next time?
2. A close (or so I thought) friend here in Zürich was acting strange about a month ago. Cancelled dinner several times. Was rude on sms. Hasn't responded to emails. I think if I do not hear from him I will go visit and demand an answer. I am not giving him up.
3. An American woman who I got to know about 4,5 years ago. We became very close in a short time. She was a great support to me when I had a difficult time. But she left going back to the US with my key and left me with a telephone bill of about 300 CHF. Now she has emailed me and want to be friends again.
4. A Swiss friendgirl who I had a fallout with some months ago. She was always making me feel bad. She just couldn't be positive about anything. And despite me introducing her to my friends she never connected with any of them. I don't know if I would like to take contact again. I know she never will. Is it worth it?
Shucks, sometimes life is difficult. And I guess you cannot be friends with everybody. But sometimes it's worth making a try...
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3 comments:
Annika,
1. The 1987 Friendship = worth saving. Answer her call, see what's up. Make a point to discuss why the two of you grew apart. Tell her you felt the friendship was one sided, and that she seemed like a "fair weather" friend only.
talk it over..with that kind of time invested..it's a friendship worth trying to get back.
2. This one might be worth saving. Confront him with your feelings about how weird he was acting the last few months and see if maybe it was just a thing, a bad time he was going through. If you guys had fun together, then i agree with you. Except don't demand anything. Just talk to him and say.."where have you been?" What's going on with you?" He probably knows he's been a weirdo lately, and won't respond to an "attack" about his behavior.
3 & 4.= 3 needs to be contacted and reminded that she owes you money. Bring her back into your life if you can work out the repayment arrangement, but NEVER lend her money again. If you enjoyed her company, get the money thing out of the way, and go back to being friends: not money lenders/borrowers.
4. Forget it. she sounds like a "lone wolf" type. A bit socially retarded...needs all of the attention of a friend when she hangs out with you. You're too social a person to carry a person like this on your back ..especially when you are out and want to have a good time. It's not the time in our lives to try to give in to other people's neurotic qualities.
I always use this when I meet a new person..it's something my Grandmother always told me: "if you hang around with dogs, you get fleas"
John in NJ USA
'friendship trouble'
1. I'd give her another go, its a longterm friendship afterall, but if you find again she doesnt give anything to the friendship and brings you down you might have to cut her loose. Part of a real friendship is providing support and there's enough people in life that will suck your energy without having your friends do it.
2. With this one you gotta at least find out why - no clues?
3. forget her. People who rip you off and take advantage are no kind of friends in my book.
4. doesnt sound worth it to me
Thanks for all the input. I will have to think about it.
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