Friendship

Lately I have reflected over friendship, and ask myself why I get along with some people and some not. I sometimes also have the instant feeling when I meet somebody I really like, that this is a matter of time before we fall out. And I think I have the answer. Well, several of them actually.

First of all, you have to care about somebody in order to have strong feelings about them. Otherwise, if you don’t like them, you just regard them as idiots and move along.

Second, to be too alike is no good. Ask me, I was very much alike my father and we didn’t get along at all. I always thought he was an asshole. Well, not entirely, but I really disliked him. We always argued. Fortunately things changed and we made up before he died.

Third, there has to be respect involved. You have to accept the weaknesses or faults of the other person, and to make sure you appreciate the positive sides. Always arguing gets you nowhere.

Fourth, communication is key. Ignorance destroys friendship.

Fifth, I have begun to wonder if age plays a role in this. But really I don’t think it does. Maturity does. And you could be young and mature, and old and immature.

And lastly sixth, action means more than words. You can say a lot of things, but if you do not “deliver” and never do anything what you say, it doesn’t mean shite.

I have, and have had, a lot of friends in my life. Some more of an acquaintance type and some people I was close to for a period in my life. Most of the time when you part ways it’s because of natural reasons. You move or they move, or if you worked together and somebody quits, then you lose touch, or you just drift away because you choose different ways in life. It’s natural and no biggie.

It’s worse when you actually “break up” with a friend, but sometimes it’s necessary for the peace of mind. Somebody who takes more energy than gives, somebody who is happy to accept all your invites but hardly ever invite back, somebody who is happy to accept you paying the bill in the restaurant but never returns the favour, somebody who borrows money but “forget” to pay back, somebody who puts you down but never pick you up. And a recent example, somebody gets offended by one item I wrote on the blog, never mind all the thousands of items I wrote before.

There are lots of examples. And I have learned to let go of these people. After all, I am responsible for my life and my well-being. And I don’t want to feel like treading on ice when I meet up with people. I am me, and even though I want to be nice to everybody, I want to feel that when I’m not, unintentionally, I am still liked and welcome.